Caring for Triplets Plus One

Haley and Zach are the parents of four beautiful children – triplets aged two and a one year old. They consider Joshua, Hannah, Charlie Fay, and Phoebe to be their greatest blessings. Haley and Zach walked the path of infertility for three and a half years before successfully becoming pregnant with their triplets. They always knew they were meant to be parents. Throughout the multiple Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) medical fertility treatments, they prayed together each step of the way. 

During quiet prayer times, Haley felt the Lord impress the number “3” upon her mind and heart; “3, 3, 3” everywhere. Her eye would catch and pause at three flowers growing in her yard; three cupcakes on her birthday card. Even silly things would pop in her head like “the three amigos!” She was not sure of the purpose and significance of it, but she journaled it all and prayed. 

Haley and Zach finally came to the point where they felt ready for Invitro Fertilization (IVF). IVF is much more physically, emotionally and financially difficult to undergo than all the previous treatments. 

Haley says, “God works in your life during hard times. Just ask Him and He will be with you.” Haley and Zach read Scripture and listened and asked for God’s will to be done. 

The first IVF procedure failed. The two embryos that were transferred did not implant. In early June of 2015, Zach and Haley once again returned for a second round. Their patience and faith were rewarded. They had three embryos this time.

On the day of transfer, the doctor recommended that they only transfer two embryos and freeze the third for later. This is typical protocol. Medically, it is riskier to transfer more than two embryos. But all Haley and Zach could think of was the months and months of “3, 3, 3.” That still, small voice said, ” I want all three.” There was no question; all three had to be transferred together. 

With Zach by her side, the room was abuzz. On Haley’s left hand side, she could see the camera magnifying her three embryos. They actually formed a small triangle. “It’s a little cheerleading pyramid!” declared one doctor. “Never seen that before,” said another doctor. Several weeks later, Haley and Zach saw and heard the three beating hearts of their babies at their first sonogram. They were born at 33 weeks and 3 days. (More threes!) 

When the triplets were eight months old, Haley and Zach got the surprise of their lives. They were pregnant! Phoebe was born 16 months after the triplets. She is truly a blessing, and Haley reports she is an easy-going baby. Haley says, “She is a demonstration of who God is. He loves to bless his children more than we can imagine.”

Haley and Zach definitely grew in their marriage and faith before the births, and it prepared them for raising their four children. Even now they schedule date nights and were able to have one getaway weekend this year. 

They are blessed with a very supportive family who live close by and have been a tremendous help. Also, Haley said the international and non-denominational Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) Group has been a Godsend. 

Today, Haley continues to pray for, and now with, her children each day.  She has a special verse for each child, and prays aloud over them along with teaching them to pray. She also journals her prayers.

“Although I can’t be there as much as I could for one child, God can be with them when I can’t,” says Haley. She loves taking the babies on walks and enjoys the opportunity to share Christ on her walks. Haley and Zach truly live their faith and are a beautiful example of God’s blessings. 

What Has Helped:

  • Their faith and prayer life.
  • Their parents’ help.
  • The support of their community.
  • The following books:

        –  A seed of Hope: God’s Promises of Fertility by Evangeline Brown Colbert.

        – Waiting in Wonder: Growing Faith While You’re Expecting, A Devotional Journal by                        Catherine Claire Larson.

  • Moms in the Making – Online Support Group, click here   

Scripture Verse: 

Habakkuk 2: 1-3 I will stand at my watch and station myself upon the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint. Then the Lord replied: Write down the revelation and make it plain upon tables, so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

Prayer:

Dear Father, thank you for the blessing of these four children to parents who had faith and trusted that you would provide. You knew the plan all along. We pray that all of us can learn from Haley and Zach’s example. Only You know when the time is right. We just need to keep the faith; regardless how difficult the journey is. You never let us down.

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A Season for Everything

It has been a season of bittersweet endings and new beginnings for me and my siblings. As you know, we lost both parents in a three-month time span. One of the endings was closing their home. For the past 25 years, my parents lived in an apartment on Brookhaven Golf Course with a beautiful view. The apartment was full of things that they treasured. Many of those things were hard to part with during the estate sale.  As we packed up their remaining things, I looked outside and realized that, most likely I won’t be there again. It’s hard to describe the strange feeling of being in that empty apartment where there was once so much love and caring along with the pain. While I truly rejoice that my parents are in heaven, I know that I will always miss them.

Little things make me pause like seeing the Mother’s and Father’s Day cards at the store. And Mom’s birthday is coming up.  Even grocery shopping feels odd as I no longer must shop for them. Everyone tells me that those feelings are normal and will crop up often in my new life without them. Also, I have much more time on my hands now and need to decide how to fill it.

It is a season of healing for my siblings and me. We are all adjusting to our “new normal.” We had a wonderful Easter celebration with my siblings. My husband and I stayed and talked after the big group left.  It was very relaxing and fun, as in the past we would have been concerned about getting Mom and Dad home early.  

Our estate sale was a big undertaking, and we all worked together on it. Little things would turn up like a box of my mother’s blessed medals in a little box we almost sold. My daughter, Laura, found a leather travelling bag of Dad’s. Since they shared a love of travelling, she felt that the bag was meant for her. And my son, Ryan, kept a collection of vases from Mom and some furniture from Dad.  It was very touching to watch the grandchildren go through their grandparents’ things with such reverence.

Now we are preparing for their burial in Ohio. It was their desire to be buried next to Martha, Mary’s twin, who died at 18 months of age. It will be quite a celebration with my Michigan cousins coming. We had so much fun with these cousins growing up.  A special treat for me is having Jane, my best childhood friend from our time in Ohio, come with her mother and several sisters. I have so many fond memories of Jane and her wonderful family. Her parents and mine were the best of friends, and both homes were full of fun.

I know it will be emotional for me to see Martha’s grave again. I was in college the last time we travelled to Ohio. I knelt on her grave and sobbed. I was seven years old when she died, and I remember her well. She was a calm, sweet baby, and I loved to play with her. While she has been my guardian angel throughout my life, I still grieve for her. It will be fitting, but difficult to bury my parents right next to her.

I looked up the stages of grieving, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The research says that they are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live without our loved ones. These tools help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Now, I consider myself to be somewhere between depression and acceptance. It helps tremendously that they lived long lives, and both were ready to be with the Lord.

What Has Helped:

  • Our faith in eternal life.
  • Working together as a family.
  • Videos of our family made by our wonderful cousins.

Scripture Verse

Ecclesiastes 3: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;  a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;  a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Prayer

Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of my parents’ lives. They were each beautiful examples of caregiving. When Mom started to decline five years ago, my father stepped in and truly willed her to live. Those last five years were very difficult for him, but he never wavered in his care for her. And my sweet mom thanked him for each and every thing he did for her. We rejoice that they are reunited with their daughter and are enjoying their new eternal life. Help us to honor the memories we had as a family, and trust that we will see them again in heaven.

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